The answer is short – no. What would make you a bad person is refusing to consider why you wouldn’t date someone in a wheelchair. If you’re just not attracted to the person, fine. That’s normal, I won’t shout ableism at you (although I never shout ableism – sometimes I think pulling the alarm on ableism does more harm than good – but that’s another topic for another time)
As a society, we seem to want to find some self-righteous human rights movement to join, help those “less fortunate” than us… and then continue about our selfish lives. It includes me, so don’t worry about it… it’s a human problem, not just an able bodied problem. I mean, worry about it because it causes hypocrisy among humankind – everyone’s a hypocrite sometime in their lives – and no, I’m not sorry for saying it.
I live in America, so I know how selfish, self-righteous and hateful we are. We hate the good, the bad and everything in between. It’s so easy to sound the whistle on someone who says something negative about a person with a disability. I’m not made of glass. I can handle someone not liking me. I have, and I’m sure I will again. The fact is, if you’re not attracted to a disabled person, it’s okay. As long as you treat that person like you would another able-bodied person. I would assume that’s with empathy and respect for the other person. Attractiveness is subjective, cultural and sometimes (a lot of times) superficial. Features, looks, personalities are different for a reason, and even I have a very superficial, specific type – bass fiddle guitar players with tattoos I mean wait… my grandma reads this – no one is exempt. We can try all we want to be fair, but life isn’t and neither is humankind.
For Valentine’s Day, I posted about a blind date gone wrong (link) – that scenario came to mind writing this, because I questioned if I was right to feel as hurt as I felt when I was rejected. The fact of that situation was he liked me before he saw that I was disabled AND I SAID I WAS DISABLED. He just ignored it until he saw it in real life. So there’s the difference. He liked me and then he judged me for physical reasons. IT’S OKAY. I dodged a bullet obviously.
Here’s where everyone can relate: NEVER be in a relationship because you think it’s right, or to spare someone’s feelings. In the end, it’s a toxic relationship. You mean well, but it does serious damage to self-esteem. It doesn’t matter age, gender, race, disability (and all the ones I missed) – it hurts no matter who you ask. Never stay in a relationship if you don’t want it, or it’s abusive, or you think you’re not good enough for someone else… chances are you’re too good for the one you’re with.
And that’s my two cents. Take it.